Deacon NewsomeA lot of people are angry today, about a lot of different things. Some of that anger is justified. Some of it is not. Thus has it ever been.
My purpose here is not to talk about this or that thing that may make us angry, but to reflect on how we should deal with anger from a spiritual perspective.
It’s tricky business. Wrath, we are taught, is one of the seven deadly sins. But anger is an emotion. Emotions are not sins, but things we experience. We are not morally responsible for the feelings we have because we don’t choose them; but we are responsible for how we respond to them.
Anger is a powerful emotion, so we must be especially careful when it comes to how we choose to act when we are angry. Unless the situation demands an immediate response, in most cases the prudent course will be to delay action until our anger subsides so that we can approach things with a cool head.
Does anger serve a purpose?
What purpose does anger serve? One may wonder why God would give us such a powerful and troubling emotion. The feeling of anger is a natural response to injustice, whether real or perceived. In that sense, anger can be good, functioning like pain in the body, alerting us to the fact that something is wrong.
Justice is the virtue of doing the right thing, what the Catechism calls “the constant and firm will to give their due to God and neighbor” (CCC 1807). Injustice occurs when someone acts in a way contrary to the good of others, or that disregards their natural rights and human dignity. Addressing a matter of injustice often requires courage and may involve some real risk on our part.
A powerful emotion like anger can provide the motivation we need to stand up for what is right even if it costs us. This is how healthy anger is meant to function.
While there is such a thing as righteous anger, the problem is, as St. Francis de Sales observes in his Introduction to the Devout Life, everyone believes their anger to be righteous! “No angry man,” he writes, “ever thinks his anger is unjust.” As our emotions are not infallible, we must be on guard against making such presumptions. What if the injustice we perceive is false? What if what angers us is not an offense against justice, but an offense against our pride?
Anger is a powerful motivator, but a reckless driver. If our heart is troubled by anger, it is important not to permit our emotions to sit in the driver’s seat. Our actions should be directed by reason rather than feeling. Our emotions inform us but should not control us. Evaluating our emotions objectively is difficult but it is something we can learn to do.
Questions to ask
When we experience anger, there are helpful questions we should ask. First, why am I angry? Sometimes the cause is obvious, but other times it may be less apparent. The experience of trauma or loss may cause us to feel a general anger that is directed at no person in particular. This is a natural part of the grieving process and can be helped by counseling, therapy and time.
As we deal with anger that stems from woundedness, we should make every effort not to allow our anger to become an excuse to treat others uncharitably.
Anger can also be the result of wounded pride. It is important for us to ask: Are those I am angry with truly acting unjustly, or merely not doing things the way I would have them done? The remedy for prideful anger is to practice the virtue of humility. There is a powerful Litany of Humility prayer, composed by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val, that includes petitions such as, “From the desire of being consulted, deliver me Jesus. From the desire of being approved, deliver me Jesus.”
What if our anger is a valid response to injustice? Even then, we must ask ourselves a further question: Am I in a position to do anything about it? If it involves a situation in our personal lives, we may be able to do something to resolve the matter. In that case, our actions should still be directed by justice and charity, never anger itself. If we cannot reasonably resolve the matter, then our anger serves no further purpose. We should therefore let it go and entrust the situation to God. This holds true any time we are angry over situations beyond our personal control.
anger as a tool of manipulation
A particular malady of our time is the immediate access we have to news reports, commentary and opinion, much of which is negative. Politicians and media moguls alike figured out long ago how to capitalize on anger. Those with a vested interest in motivating us to buy their papers, click on their links or vote a certain way often use anger as a tool of manipulation.
It is spiritually damaging for us to be confronted with a non-stop barrage of evil news we are in no position to do anything about. This can leave us feeling not only angry, but helpless, leading to despair. Unless we are in a position to positively impact a situation, it is best to entrust these broader concerns to God’s loving providence and let go of our anger before it becomes a cancer in our hearts, festering into bitterness and hatred.
The scriptures tell us “be angry, but do not sin” (Eph 4:26). The emotion of anger becomes the sin of wrath when we latch onto it, nurture it, and allow it to take root in our heart. Anger can be like a powerful drug; we can become addicted to it.
St. Francis de Sales, by his own admission, struggled with a hot temper. Being aware of this aspect of his temperament, he made an intentional effort to always act with gentleness toward others, so much so that gentleness became his defining trait. His life stands as testimony that even something as strong as anger can be overcome through a combination of discipline and grace.
Jesus experienced righteous anger, as when He drove the money changers from the temple, but He always acted with justice and mercy. Let Christ therefore be our model. Our Lord warns us that whoever is angry with his brother is liable to judgment (Mt 5:22), and also invites us to “learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart” (Mt 11:29).
When anger rears its ugly head, may we seek refuge in the heart of Jesus and pray, “Lord, make my heart like unto Thine.”
Deacon Matthew Newsome, Catholic campus minister at Western Carolina University and regional faith formation coordinator for the Smoky Mountain Vicariate, is the author of “The Devout Life: A Modern Guide to Practical Holiness with St. Francis de Sales,” available from Sophia Institute Press.
What is prayer all about? Clement of Alexandria, a popular teacher of the early Church, put it simply: “Prayer is conversation with God.” Centuries later, St. Thérèse of Lisieux offered a similar sentiment, only more poetically:
“For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.”
Like any conversation, it goes both ways. We talk to God, and He talks to us.
God loves us more than we can imagine. He wants us to get to know and love Him as a Father. Like any loving parent, He wants to spend time talking with His children. As we begin the Jubilee Year in which many are focused more on prayer, here are some commonly asked questions about the topic:
Q. What kind of conversation am I supposed to have?
A. Think of it this way: Imagine that someone saved your life through an act of great personal sacrifice. What kind of conversation would you want to have with that kind of benefactor?
You would no doubt want to offer an earnest thank you. You would be eager to praise the person’s kindness, generosity and selflessness. You would probably ask, “How can I ever repay you?”
Now think about what God has done for us. He created us and gives us life. Every good gift we have is from Him. When the human race turned away from Him and lost its way because of sin,
He made the most precious sacrifice possible to save us and bring us back to Himself: He sent His own son, Jesus Christ, to die for us.
What kind of conversation should you have with that kind of benefactor? For starters, you can express to Him sincere praise and thanks.
Q. Doesn’t prayer include asking God for something?
A. Of course! Think of a small child who is hungry. If the child comes to his father asking for food, the dad is delighted to answer that request. And if human fathers, Jesus reminded us, know how to give good gifts to their children when asked, “How much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” (Mt 7:9-11).
In fact, most of the Our Father is devoted to this important aspect of prayer: petition. We ask God to provide for us (“our daily bread”), guide us (“lead us not into temptation”) and protect us (“deliver us from evil”). He cares about us, and He’s delighted to answer our prayers. “Have no anxiety about anything,” St. Paul insisted, “but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Phil 4:6). Just tell God what you need.
Q. What about praying for others?
A. Another important aspect of praying is intercession, which is prayer for others. St. Paul urged that intercessions “be made for all” (1 Tm 2:1).
Everyone has some need for God’s help. It’s your privilege to ask for it on their behalf. Even if you know that they themselves are praying, you can join them in their requests. Our heavenly
Father is pleased to see His children helping one another that way.
When you pray for others, you find that your own life changes. Your heart grows warmer toward people in need. You’re not as upset by the difficulties in your own life, because you’re more aware of the troubles other people have. You find yourself more willing to help people in other ways as well.
It’s not easy, but God calls us to pray even for our enemies. Jesus set the example. As He died on the cross, He prayed for His killers: “Father, forgive them” (Lk 23:34). Praying for people who have offended or injured us actually makes it easier to forgive them and to see them more as God sees them.
Q. Does God always hear our prayers?
A. We can have the same confidence Jesus had when he prayed: “Father … I (know) that you always hear me” (Jn 11:42). And God not only hears our prayers; He answers them as well. Nevertheless, His answer isn’t always the one we’re hoping to hear.
Sometimes we ask for the wrong things – things we would regret having if He gave them to us. Sometimes what we want doesn’t fit into the bigger, wiser plan He has for us and for those around us. Sometimes He’s allowing us to develop patience or to grow in some other way.
In any case, we can always pray to God in faith. That doesn’t mean we try to convince ourselves that everything we ever ask for, we’ll receive. Instead, it means that we pray with trust in the
Father who listens to our prayers, confident that He wants what’s best for us; He knows what’s best for us; and He’s able to give us what’s best for us. Our prayers should always ask for God’s will.
Q. How do I find the right words to pray?
A. God listens even when we’re not sure what to say. Catholics often pray using composed prayers. It’s called formal prayer, because it has a set “form,” rather than being spontaneous.
Jesus gave us a formal prayer when He taught his disciples the Lord’s Prayer (Mt 6:9-12). He and His apostles used formal prayers in worship, often from the Psalms, because this was the ancient custom of the Jewish people. The Church has followed their example in the Mass and in other settings. When Catholics pray using the words given us in Scripture and tradition, we are guided by these formal prayers as we search for words to express ourselves to God.
When we make these common prayers our own, we find ourselves praying in unity with the whole Church. We become part of a timeless, global community of prayer, a sign that we all belong
to “the household of God” (Eph 2:19).
An easy way to remember the different kinds of prayer is ACTS: A= Adoration; C= Contrition; T = Thanksgiving; and S = Supplication.
Q. How do I know when God is talking?
A. First, it’s important to give Him time to talk, a few quiet moments when you’re listening for him. On those occasions you may have thoughts or impressions come into your mind from God: a word of comfort, a solution to a problem, a prompting to take a particular action.
There are other ways to listen to God as well. Reading Scripture or spiritual books may allow Him to speak to you through the printed word. God may speak through others who say that you came to mind during their own prayer time. Sometimes God simply answers you through situations.
If you think God is saying something that puzzles or disturbs you, it’s a good idea to talk it over with a priest or another trusted friend.
Q. When should I pray?
A. We can pray anytime, of course, since God is always listening. Many Catholics even say little “mini-prayers” throughout the day as they go about their business, such as “Thank you, Lord,” or “Jesus, help me.” But over the centuries believers have also developed habits of praying at certain hours because they found it helped them to recognize God and seek His will at important junctures of the day.
Many people, for example, dedicate the day to God as soon as they wake up. Asking God’s blessing is an important way to begin meals and recognize our dependence on His provision. At bedtime, many Catholics review the day as it closes, examine their consciences, and say a prayer of confession and contrition.
— OSV News